Growing Up
So growing up is something we are going through, and what I know is, there are some people do not want to grow up but some people want to grow up so badly.
For me, I don't want to, like really.
I miss myself being a kid.
I remember myself having the weight of 27kg when I was 12, I eat whatever I want without worrying that I will get fat.
I remember myself good in drawing, swimming, riding bicycle and uhmm idk.
Used to be so hardworking and good in studies too.
I remember how we both sisters fight and quarrel so badly when we were really really small.
We used to fight on the bed, we kicked each other whenever we cross the line.
Besides fighting, we used to share the toilet bowl too.
I know it is funny but yeah we did.
I didn't dare to go to toilet because I was so afraid of ghost, and we both shared each side of the toilet bowl to pee.
Or else, one of us sits on the toilet, and another squats and pee on the floor.
I remember myself hiding in the store room (which is our room now) playing with whatever I saw, while other family members were watching movie in the living room.
I picked up a lipstick and an envelope, I drew myself, the envelope and the wall.
They were looking for me and when they saw me, they laughed so badly because I looked really really funny.
I remember all stupid things that I've done in school, cutting classmate's book into half to make a cheque book, turning around and scrabble classmate's book, lying to teacher that I have asthma just to escape from participating in sports day etc.
See that there are so much childhood memories there and I don't want to grow up so badly.
I saw so many posts about graduating recently as I was scrolling Facebook or Twitter.
Those posts are really really sad and I wanna cry although I'm not graduating, yet.
Graduating means you will have to face another challenge in your life.
You'll have to leave your high school, learn driving, study or find jobs, work, getting married, having children and then.......... die.
And to be honest, I'm afraid of death, so much.
I used to imagine myself dying and my mood will eventually turn bad.
It was so scary, try to imagine you yourself being in a dark place, alone, not knowing where to go.
I know I shouldn't be afraid of it as everyone will die, just that some of us will die earlier.
Sometimes it just feels like growing up is a nightmare and the saddest part is that, you can't turn back time.
But on the other side, I somehow feel that growing up isn't really a nightmare and it's really fun.
You get to try so many exciting things and gain experience as you grow up.
You get to learn so many things, know so many friends, have so much fun and do things you've never done before.
It's so much fun when you rewind back those memories with your family members or friends.
I love to do it whenever I'm with my brother, we talked and laughed about it.
And also, we both sisters don't fight and quarrel like how we used to.
It's like I wanna grow up faster, and the biggest reason is because, I want to learn driving.
It hurts when mum says that she can't see the road clearly because it's raining.
It happened once while we were on the way to school early in the morning, it was raining heavily.
Suddenly a car passed by and all the water splashed on the front glass, my mum couldn't see the road and yeah we nearly had an accident.
It haunts me whenever I think about it.
Also, I wanna drive to church or school by myself so I don't have to trouble my mum.
My curiosity makes me want to grow up faster too.
Sometimes I wonder what will my future job be, how will my future husband looks like, or will I even have a husband?
I can't stop wondering, you know.
It's so exciting thinking about your future.
I just can't wait, can't wait for whatever will happen in the future.
So now, I just don't know.
I'm really sorry too, for talking about death, for saying that growing up is scary.
I don't know what my life will be when I grow up, I hope for a better future and I'm also afraid at the same time.
Guess I'll just gonna leave everything in God's hand and let him decide then, I'll just pray.
For me, I don't want to, like really.
I miss myself being a kid.
I remember myself having the weight of 27kg when I was 12, I eat whatever I want without worrying that I will get fat.
I remember myself good in drawing, swimming, riding bicycle and uhmm idk.
Used to be so hardworking and good in studies too.
I remember how we both sisters fight and quarrel so badly when we were really really small.
We used to fight on the bed, we kicked each other whenever we cross the line.
Besides fighting, we used to share the toilet bowl too.
I know it is funny but yeah we did.
I didn't dare to go to toilet because I was so afraid of ghost, and we both shared each side of the toilet bowl to pee.
Or else, one of us sits on the toilet, and another squats and pee on the floor.
I remember myself hiding in the store room (which is our room now) playing with whatever I saw, while other family members were watching movie in the living room.
I picked up a lipstick and an envelope, I drew myself, the envelope and the wall.
They were looking for me and when they saw me, they laughed so badly because I looked really really funny.
I remember all stupid things that I've done in school, cutting classmate's book into half to make a cheque book, turning around and scrabble classmate's book, lying to teacher that I have asthma just to escape from participating in sports day etc.
See that there are so much childhood memories there and I don't want to grow up so badly.
I saw so many posts about graduating recently as I was scrolling Facebook or Twitter.
Those posts are really really sad and I wanna cry although I'm not graduating, yet.
Graduating means you will have to face another challenge in your life.
You'll have to leave your high school, learn driving, study or find jobs, work, getting married, having children and then.......... die.
And to be honest, I'm afraid of death, so much.
I used to imagine myself dying and my mood will eventually turn bad.
It was so scary, try to imagine you yourself being in a dark place, alone, not knowing where to go.
I know I shouldn't be afraid of it as everyone will die, just that some of us will die earlier.
Sometimes it just feels like growing up is a nightmare and the saddest part is that, you can't turn back time.
But on the other side, I somehow feel that growing up isn't really a nightmare and it's really fun.
You get to try so many exciting things and gain experience as you grow up.
You get to learn so many things, know so many friends, have so much fun and do things you've never done before.
It's so much fun when you rewind back those memories with your family members or friends.
I love to do it whenever I'm with my brother, we talked and laughed about it.
And also, we both sisters don't fight and quarrel like how we used to.
It's like I wanna grow up faster, and the biggest reason is because, I want to learn driving.
It hurts when mum says that she can't see the road clearly because it's raining.
It happened once while we were on the way to school early in the morning, it was raining heavily.
Suddenly a car passed by and all the water splashed on the front glass, my mum couldn't see the road and yeah we nearly had an accident.
It haunts me whenever I think about it.
Also, I wanna drive to church or school by myself so I don't have to trouble my mum.
My curiosity makes me want to grow up faster too.
Sometimes I wonder what will my future job be, how will my future husband looks like, or will I even have a husband?
I can't stop wondering, you know.
It's so exciting thinking about your future.
I just can't wait, can't wait for whatever will happen in the future.
So now, I just don't know.
I'm really sorry too, for talking about death, for saying that growing up is scary.
I don't know what my life will be when I grow up, I hope for a better future and I'm also afraid at the same time.
Guess I'll just gonna leave everything in God's hand and let him decide then, I'll just pray.
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